DAY 45

on maintenance...

"Talking To Myself" by Kleoniki Vanos

"you can do it! don't give up on your dreams! keep going, victory is on her way!"

there are various types of maintenance that must be applied to ensure optimal functionality in any given arena. i will mention a few for the sake of the content of this blog.

condition based maintenance is done when the need arises. this is performed when there is an indication that something is going to fail or there is deterioration & it is the right time to perform maintenance.

corrective maintenance is the task to identify, isolate & rectify a fault so that you can be restored to the state of your intended functionality.

planned preventative maintenance is used to avoid any unscheduled breakdown.

predictive maintenance requires you to be attentive to your intuition. the key is "the right information at the right time". Maintain yourself whether you think you need it or not.

preventative maintenance i.e. are you tired? ease the pressure by adjusting your attitude. assess whether there is something you can do about your current situation or whether it requires you to be patient & embrace time as your friend. faith is the key, if it is the latter, or you will not be able to enter into a state of peace. replace negative energy & expectations with light, truth & love. this is an important process because it will prevent the wheels from coming off in the future, when you most need them to propel you forward into new enlightenment.

"I Don't Want To See" by Kleoniki Vanos

"i fooled myself one too many times before by refusing to see things for what they are. why do i keep wrestling with the truth?"

at this juncture, i would like to bring in the five languages of love to impress upon you the significant importance of investing in yourself by way of keeping abreast with your interanl world.

spend quality time with yourself, like going for a picnic. pack a basket; fill it with your favourite things, a blanket,a good book & find a nice spot under a tree. take time to show yourself the sky & the way the breeze plays with the leaves in the trees. close your eyes & listen to the birds, the insects flitting about & the sound of the wind. eat, drink, read & enjoy "you" to your heart's content.

do things that you want to do for yourself like kicking off your shoes & walking on the grass. pick yourself a bunch of flowers & arrange them the way you want to or burn some scented candles. whatever it is that you do it should be something that, if someone else did it for you, you would have tears of gratitude flowing over your cheeks.

spoil yourself by taking a leisurely stroll through a street market, preferably over the weekend when you have enough time on your hands. look out for that ONE thing that catches your eye. deliberate the connection & then move on. when you have reached the end of the market & you find you are still thinking about that thing  you saw, turn around & go back to the stall where you saw it. splurge on yourself & get that gift. trust me, it feels amazing.

say & think good things about yourself. be kind to yourself. you need not wait for people to say nice things about you. here are some suggested meditations:
"i really like me"
"i can be so funny sometimes"
"i'm never too much"
"i'm always enough"
"i love life!"
etc.

when you find yourself in repose, consider the beautiful healthy body that you have been given. thank each part for its perfect functionality. gently acknowledging each one as you express your gratitude.

"Amorphous" by Kleoniki Vanos

 "the desire to be fulfilled is a continuous journey in fertilising the soil of your soul. maintain it well for you will reap the reward."

love starts with you & you deserve to love yourself. stop the cycle of self-neglect & you will have so much more energy to do your life successfully.

be intuitive, be truthful, be aware of your internal word & keep maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself so that you can be a happy you.
TAKE TIME OUT OF THE RAT RACE.

"Magic Carpet Express" by Kleoniki Vanos

 "throw your arms open, hold on tight & let me take you to a place where the birds sing of hope, the breeze speaks of courage & the sun shines with rays of love."





  

DAY 44

dear unique,

"how would your life be different if... you stopped making negative judgemental assumptions about people you encounter? let today be the day... you look for the good in everyone you meet & respect their journey." steve maraboli.

victory by kleoniki vanos

"victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long & hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival." churchill.

am i who others say i am or who i really am?
seeking the answer to this question is the beginning of the transformation journey toward becoming a love & life filled individual.

consider this: someone who interacts with you experiences only a fraction of who you are, so for the viewer to make assumptions about you will only deprive both from giving & receiving the gift of unconditional love.

how can this distortion of love be prevented? take the time to get to know yourself.
this means acknowledging & embracing your strengths & weaknesses, taking responsibility for your actions,  accepting that there are things you can & cannot change, & allowing yourself the grace to make mistakes.

there is another truth to consider, ie, you are not responsible for how others act or react, so busy yourself with your own life. if you did take responsibility for other people's actions you would be taking away their power to grow & giving yours away. an attitude of self love doesn't mean that you don't care, quite the contrary. in fact, loving yourself first is an unselfish act. if you don't love yourself you will not be able to love others.

here's to the journey toward loving yourself.

DAY 55

it has taken 3 weeks of research, processing & formulation to analyse the concept of fracture & how it affects our daily lives. the journey of life includes fracture caused by sustained trauma, but even in that pain there is beauty & healing.

"Underground Rehabilitation" by Kleoniki Vanos

  

"Psycho Osmosis" by Kleoniki Vanos

"surrendering to the moment by moment healing process will allow the scars, failure, disorder & distortion to turn into a thing of unparallelled beauty."

"but if you love & must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
to melt like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
to know the pain of too much tenderness.
to be wounded by your own understanding of love;
and to bleed willingly & joyfully."
khalil gibran, the prophet.

"things just happen in the right way, at the right time. at least when you let them, when you work with circumstances instead of saying, 'this isn't supposed to be happening this way,' & trying harder to make it work some other way." benjamin hoff, the tao of pooh.

"Running as the Dark Horse" by Kleoniki Vanos

"when fracture occurs between people they suffer a depleted sense of self worth & identity: dehumanisation is the consequence common to both." psychology today.

in quoting this portion of the article on fractured people i would like to add that, there is not only fracture but also healing & strengthening that takes place. an unfortunate injury to our psyche can certainly slow us down, but it can also be a wake-up call in many ways.

"Extrapolation" by Kleoniki Vanos

"wisdom ,happiness & courage are not waiting somewhere out beyond sight at the end of a straight line; they're part of a continuous cycle that begins right here. they're not only the ending but the beginning as well." benjamin hoff, tao of pooh.

i believe that part of the reason we experience these challenges against who we are is to establish our own identity. this is very important because if you are not pressured into being someone you are not you cannot find your own true identity.

"you'd be surprised how many people violate this simple principle every day of their lives & try to fit square pegs into round holes, ignoring the clear reality that things are as they are." benjamin hoff, tao of pooh.

"i think perfection is ugly. somewhere in the things humans make i want to see scars, failure, disorder, distortion." yohji yamamoto, fashion designer.

"usually we strive toward perfection to compensate for a sense of inadequacy. typically this is caused by messages we received earlier in life that we weren't good enough. the only perfection is being present, yet the perfectionist is never present." mel shwartz, psychology today.

"Over-Reasoning" by Kleoniki Vanos

to be fully present means that there are no distracting thoughts, measuring or grading ourselves & this allows us to really be in the moment. "it's in that moment that we are truly alive."

"Illumination" by Kleoniki Vanos

where there is a fracture there is room for light to come in. light is essential to see where you are & where you are going. you must be imperfect & weak for the fracture to occur. so, you see, we need to break, be pulled apart, ripped, scratched & rubbed up the wrong way so that we can be illuminated from within. not only will we benefit, but also those who are around us.

triboluminescence - " the current theory is that upon fracture of asymmetrical materials, charge is separated when the charges combine, the electric discharge ionizes the surrounding air, causing a flash of light. research  further suggests that crystals which display triboluminescense must lack symmetry (in order to permit charge separation) & be poor conductors.

triboluminescence is an optical phenomenon in which light is generated through the breaking of chemical bonds in materials when it is pulled apart, ripped, scratched, or rubbed." hobart king, geologist.

"oh, lord god, have mercy on me & mend my broken wings!" khalil gibran, broken wings.

a broken wing can be healed:
in nature: if a wounded bird with a broken wing is found, catch him, being careful not to further injure the wing. wash any open wounds, then gently hold the broken wing in its natural position against the bird's body. wrap the broken wing with gauze around the bird's body. let the wing heal. it takes approximately 4 weeks.

in life: when we sustain a sudden trauma & are catapulted to the ground the impact is sometimes so great that it breaks our "wings" & whilst lying there, reeling from the shock & pain, thinking: "this is where i will die," the healing has already begun. someone comes along & cleans your wound with an encouraging word. another binds up the broken "wing" with a soft touch. you see people bringing you nourishment in the form of friendship, until one day you suddenly become aware that you are flying again.

"De-focus" by Kleoniki Vanos

"the surest way to become tense, awkward & confused is to develop a mind that tries too hard - one that thinks too much." benjamin hoff, tao of pooh.

FRACTURE IS THE TITLE OF MY NEXT EXHIBITION. IT IS SYMBOLIC OF THE FRACTURES IN OUR LIVES THAT MAKE-UP THE WHOLE OF WHO WE ARE AT THIS VERY MOMENT IN TIME.

DAY 54

intuition vs. illusion...

after i posted blog 53 on "intuition" the word illusion started coming up in my psyche. at first it made me question whether my intuition was illusory. i decided to delve deeper into the subject of intuition vs. illusion.

where there is true intuition there is no fear. this is the measuring stick that i use to differentiate between intuition & illusion.

as we are well aware, illusions are not real therefore we can conclude that the things we fear are not real.

"Intuition - Intuits" by Kleoniki Vanos

"The inner perception about things without reasoning, a process that remains mostly unknown to the thinker that cannot in every case empirically verify or rationally justify."

definition of illusion: illusion fools us. dictionary definitions of illusion usually state that an illusion is a sensory perception that causes a false or distorted impression of a "real" sensory stimulus.

definition of fear: to suspect, to doubt. a painful emotion excited by the expectation of evil.

quotes on illusion:
"reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one". albert einstein.
"the distinction between the past, present & future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion." albert einstein.
"the biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." george bernard shaw.

quotes on fear:
"we gain strength, & courage, & confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look at fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot." eleonor roosevelt.
"i learnt that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. the brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." nelson mandela

"Passive Imagination" by Kleoniki Vanos

"a busy mind drowns out the voice of intuition & we run the risk of making bad decisions."

a personal example of intuition at work:
whilst waiting in a cue at a toll gate, i took out my purse to get the money ready. the closest amount i had was R15.00. i immediately got a feeling that i would give the attendant the change (i don't usually). when i got to the booth the lady took the money & i was about to tell her to keep the change when my attention was diverted. i had not been given the green light to go. she interrupted my thoughts with the question: "may i keep the change?" driving away i realised that i had learnt something valuable i.e. intuition is not forced but is simply a gift.  the little things make-up the bigger picture. i was encouraged to know that there was free flow communication between my heart & mind. the two had become one!

"The Secret of Survival" by Kleoniki Vanos

"cultivate an awareness of your state of mind so that you can avoid acting out of fear."

thoughts & intuition work together. our mind can run away with us at times & there are moments when fear grips our heart due to our thought processes. this is not conducive for intuition to flow. a busy mind drowns out the voice of intuition & we run the risk of making bad decisions.

a good way to quiet your mind is to meditate on all the things you are grateful for eg. loved ones, their well being, health, a home, people who love you, etc. you will find that your mind will quiet down & your heart will swell with gratitude. now you are able to hear clearly & when you make a decision you will recognise the right one by the peace you experience.

it is important to cultivate an awareness of your state of mind so that you can avoid acting out of fear.

"Anticipatory" by Kleoniki Vanos

"Looking forward to, with pleasure, the emancipation proclamation from the freedom of fear".

DAY 53

intuition...

"we all have a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be." jane austen

"your time is limited, so don't wast it living someone else's life. don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. don't let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice. and most important, have the courage to follow your heart & intuition." steve jobs.

"intuition is seeing with the soul." dean koontz

"Nature & Nurture" by Kleoniki Vanos

"everything i need to love & live is within me."

intuition is the ability to acquire knowledge about things without reasoning. the word "intuition" comes from the latin "intueri" which means to look inside. it enables us to see things in their spiritual reality. i use this approach when i capture images on camera. following my intuition, i try to capture the essence of my subject. this process of intuition opens a window into an unseen world that is as real as the visible one. this is the place where dreams are born.

"Processed Unconditionally" by Kleoniki Vanos

"positive regard shows complete support & acceptance of a person no matter what that person says or does. this is an attitude of grace; an attitude that values us."

the more i respond to my inner knowing the stronger it becomes.  it is a place that cannot be tainted by external manipulations or illusions. it is a place of my truth. respecting your innate intuitive ability provides you with the necessary tools to live your unique destiny. this statement is well worth processing because your life is not a random act, but rather one with purpose & meaning.

"Speed of Light" by Kleoniki Vanos

"the maximum speed at which all energy, matter, & information in the universe can travel."

the soul is where the deeper meaning of life resides; where the logical brain cannot talk you out of your intuition. it is the tutor within, speaking volumes while our personality is listening. communicating with each other on a much more profound & deeper level.  intuition enables us to delve into the often hidden mysteries of life enabling personal study & healing.

"Terrestrial Home" by Kleoniki Vanos

"a natural place that suits me comfortably, without pretence."

DAY 52

every day is a brand new day!

"Proclamation i & ii" by Kleoniki Vanos

"wake at dawn with a winged heart & give thanks for another day of loving." kahlil gibran

when you wake-up in the morning what are the first thoughts that enter your mind?
are they perhaps:
"oh no, not this day."
"today i have to do x, y & z."
or maybe there are no thoughts & your mind is waiting for you to lovingly place a thought in there that will set the tone & be your fuel for the rest of the day?

"Dawn" by Kleoniki Vanos

"it's a nice day to start again."
 
what do you expect out of this one & only, never to be repeated, day?
is it possible that you are allowed to expect good things to happen to you?
can you dare to expect to be loved?

"Dive Into: by Kleoniki Vanos

"your daily life is your temple & your religion. whenever you enter into it take with you your all." gibran

here is a little exercise you can try:
close your eyes & picture yourself inside a huge, transparent, beautiful red heart. see yourself relaxed, smiling & content.

how does this make you feel?

i'll tell you how it makes me feel - i feel calm. my heart & mind stop racing & i open my eyes to right here right now. nothing else matters because i know i am loved.

"You Are Not Alone" by Kleoniki Vanos

"the message was very clear - follow your heart. looking without seeing can make me feel alone, but when i open my eyes the invisible becomes clear & i see that i am not alone."

expect good things to happen to you today & at the end of this day reflect upon all the surprisingly good things that did happen.

keep on expecting love to love you & be prepared to be amazed!!!

"Keep On Keeping On" by Kleoniki Vanos

"joy is infectious, as is enthusiasm & love."

love is patient

love is kind

it does not envy

it does not boast

it is not proud

it does not dishonour others

it is not self-seeking

it is not easily angered

it keeps no record of wrongs

love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth

it always protects

always trusts

always hopes

always perseveres.

"Crucified" by Kleoniki Vanos

"letting go of the past, living in the present & preparing for the future."

DAY 51

how do i love me?

how do i love me? let me count the ways.
i love me to the depth & breadth & height
my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
for the ends of being & ideal grace.
i love me to the level of every day's
most quiet need, by sun & candlelight.
i love me freely as men strive for right;
i love me purely, as they turn from praise.

i love me with the passion put to use
in my old griefs, & with my childhood's faith.
i love me with a love i seemed to loose
with my lost saints, - i love me with the breath,
smiles, tears, of all my life! - & if God choose,
i shall but love me better after death.

adaptation from "how do i love thee?" by elizabeth barrett browning

"Highs & lows" by Kleoniki Vanos

"every life, no matter how many valleys & mountain tops he encounters, is made up of a single moment, the moment he discovers who he is."

when i loved myself enough i no longer needed things or people to make me feel loved.

when i loved myself enough i recognised my courage & fear, my naivety & wisdom, & i loved them all the same.

"Deserving" by Kleoniki Vanos

"you can search the entire universe for someone who is deserving of your love & affection than you are yourself & that person is not to be found anywhere. you yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love & affection." buddha

in order for me to be able to love others i first need to learn to love myself. how can i give something if i have nothing to give?

how can i give a broken gift? it will be of no use to the recipients. they can try with all their might & mind to repair the gift, but will eventually have to admit defeat & walk away with shoulders hanging, ashamed that they could not mend your broken heart.

how we hurt ourselves because we are afraid to love ourselves & in the process hurt the ones who loved us enough to try & repair what only we could.

different reasons prevent us from drawing ourselves toward ourselves:
- fear of coming across as selfish (let's rectify this misnomer - love is not selfish).
- fear of what we might find hidden under the years of dust & neglect.

i would like to let you in on a little secret -
everything that i have carefully & lovingly worked through, in the process of finding myself, has amazed me to infinity. i have found beauty, strength & courage. i have found that i am able to let go of disappointment & pain, & receive encouragement & joy in its place. i have learnt to be my own best friend.

"Incubation" by Kleoniki Vanos

"your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. who looks outside, dreams. who looks inside, awakens." carl jung

DAY 50

on thankfulness...

everything happens to us for a reason. a reason that, in the long run, will benefit us & bring greater joy than if it had not happened.

maybe we need to change direction because we are moving further away from our true selves, or it could be that the situation/people that surround us are preventing us from living our full potential. we need to be free to find & live who we were created to be, no matter what it takes. (it's your choice or is it?)

we can sometimes be our own worst enemy because we limit the power of unconditional self love. our surroundings also play an important part in our self imposed limitations. we were born to live out our full potential & in this find the true value & gift of life. this is our gift to the world & to ourselves.

when looking at life in this way; the plateau's, steep climbs, victories & defeats (even defeat leads to victory), the natural course of your heart will be gratitude.

upon opening my eyes in the morning the first thing i do is say: "thank you." irregardless of how i feel; whether good or bad.
sending out the words; "thank you for the magnificent outcome of..." creates an atmosphere of expectation & miracles, allowing for love to come in & make the impossible possible.

"Daughter of freedom" by Kleoniki Vanos

"every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end" seneca.

"life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs. c. bronte

DAY 49

bless the source of your pain with LOVE & release it.

this practise has changed my life!

when i am afraid, i bless the fear with love & let it go. the conscious action sets me free to live in abundance.

to me, this is what abundant life feels like:

i am free to explore, live, learn, make mistakes & express myself, all the while knowing that love will guide, protect, teach & show me the way. the awareness of love cultivates the truth that the world is a safe place.

"Angel of love i & ii" by Kleoniki Vanos

"an angel descends from heaven bringing a pure message of love that strengthens my faith for the journey & gives me courage to face the challenges with perseverance."

be prepared to be AMAZED!

DAY 48

today i would like to talk about peace that surpases ALL understanding...

the first time this feeling came over me i was totally taken aback. it saturated my spirit, soul & body. i asked myself: "self, what is this?" it wouldn't go away so i decided to explore it. now, let me just paint a quick picture of where i was at that time of first exposure. i was preparing for a journey that would take me away from everything i knew to all things new.

don't get me wrong, there were still challenges, but somehow i found the courage, strength, tenacity & determination to push through the fears to find the beyond. could it have been that at that moment of all consuming peace i received all that i needed for the next phase of my life's journey? i believe it was.

how did this peace come to me? what did i do to deserve it? it took a dream & a prayer that compelled me to take a step into the unknown, even if it meant plummeting to my death. i had to do or die & then the peace came.

let me just say that i did not plummet to my death instead a hand caught me & wrapped his loving arms around me. he has not let go ever since.

i have consequently had more of those peace filled moments & have learnt not to be afraid of them but to embrace them as a sign that i am in the right place at the right time with everything i need to be there.

be assured that taking that FIRST step will change your life forever. you will find strength in yourself that you never knew you had & when the next challenge comes to take the next step...

BE PREPARED TO BE AMAMZED!

"Maximise" by Kleoniki Vanos

"she had to reach deep withing herself to find the strength that had been there all along, to help maximise her faith to take the leap forward."

DAY 47

what if i decided to accept, as truth, that i am the right person with the right name at the right place? how would my day turn out to be?

"Love in motion" by Kleoniki Vanos

i set my heart free to dance the jig of love to get to the core of who i am.

"The moment of truth" by Kleoniki Vanos

 

let me see your nakedness & i will show you a world that goes beyond the visceral into the dimensions of your soul.

"Intimidation" by Kleoniki Vanos

gone are the days when life & man intimidated the life out of me. now i am!!!

"Cool runnings" by Kleoniki Vanos

running toward & not away from love, life & happiness.

just because we can't see something it doesn't mean that it's not there. sometimes the subtle things in life are the catalyst for a paradigm shift.

DAY 46

the acceptance of change is one of the greatest freedoms a human can experience, putting consciousness in the present moment where the power of creation is condensed.

"Love is the only gold" by Kleoniki Vanos

truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold. tolstoy

"Edges of time" by Kleoniki Vanos

let your life lightly dance on the edges of time like dew on the tip of a leaf. tagore

"Growth & evolution" by Kleoniki Vanos

a circle is the reflection of eternity & if you have several circles over each other then you get a spiral which represents growth & evolution.

DAY 45

loving my weeknesses & strengths...

"Eye" by Kleoniki Vanos

the eye of a human being is like a microscope, which makes the world seem bigger than it is. khalil gibran

"Generosity" by Kleoniki Vanos

those who give you a serpent when you ask for a fish, may have nothing but a serpent to give. it is then generosity on their part. khalil gibran

"Defeat my defeat" by Kleoniki Vanos

defeat my defeat, my deathless courage, you & i shall laugh together with the storm, & together we shall dig graves for all that die in us, & we shall stand in the sun with a will, & we shall be dangerous. khalil gibran

DAY 44

Live from your heart and the fears will melt away.

"Incoming"
by Kleoniki Vanos
Periodically it is necessary to return to the embryonic state. There we receive nourishment, strength, and provision for re-birth in order to share the power of creation, i.e. the power of love.

"The Dance of Life"
by Kleoniki Vanos
Definition of poetry in motion: express your unique view and interpretation of life or it will never exist. 

"Echos I, II & III"
by Kleoniki Vanos
The debilitating fear of communication is a root of evil.
You have a voice, use it! 

Metamorphosis

DAY 43

Dear fellow traveler,

Please excuse the break in communication for the past 5 months. I invite you to continue the journey with me...

Light represents illumination, enlightenment, awareness, & wisdom. Therefore, in order for us to honestly evaluate ourselves & the world around us, we must view our current reflection with an enlightened mind even if we are afraid of what we might see. No one is exempt from transformation. Change happens regardless of whether we accept or deny it.

'Inside a Heart of Gold'
by Kleoniki Vanos

I left behind what I knew in order to find that which I had lost.

Instinct is a gift we receive with life, but I had lost the ability to use it. My power had slowly slipped through my fingers due to external elements which brought about the kind of erosion that causes deserts, degradation, blockage, & collapse. The signs were there all along, but I ignored them until finally, I was forced to pay attention. My voice had become foreign to me & was replaced by fear & doubt. That inner knowing that was so vital to the journey had to be retrieved at all cost.

'Love as Deep as the Ocean'
by Kleoniki Vanos

All was not lost! The erosion had been aggressive & challenged everything that was not true, what remained had been tested & proved. Now I could begin anew to create & build, be authentic, original, & true to myself. Able to express beauty the way I see it, strength the way I feel it, & courage the way I understand it.

'Peace in a Fractured World'
by Kleoniki Vanos

The journey has taken me to the center of my universe & there I have discovered, amid the fractures of my soul, a world of magic & love.

The journey is no ones but yours.